Awful Fear

This past week I purchased a, Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, for its explanations of the origin and formation of words. Some words contain such differing or even opposing meanings, which intrigues me. One such word is, awful. It’s all but exclusively used to indicate horrific or, at least, terrible circumstances. Extremely rarely is it used to mean, “Full of awe.” So, I looked up the word.

As suspected, it’s the addition of the suffix, “ful,” to the root word, “awe,” which has its origins in Old English, from Gothic and Germanic sources, meaning, “fear.” Sure enough, the first definition for awe is: Terror, dread. However, Old English also used the word to mean, “Reverential fear or wonder.” This secondary defining delights me. Here, again, the dual, seemingly opposite nature of the word. Also, it seems to be hinting fear and wonder are closely connected, if not synonymous.

“Fear the Lord.” Oy vey, how many times have we stumbled over this? Jesus tells us, “God is love,” and to, “Fear not,” yet throughout Scripture, we’re told to fear God. My dictionary was of no help, stating “fear” has its roots in the Middle English, “lie in wait,” which is defined, “the action or process of watching out for an enemy or of lurking in ambush.” Therefore, God is an enemy for whom we’re lurking in ambush, watching out for? What’s up with that? Sure, I’ll occasionally, (okay, often), get upset with God, but I don’t think I go so far as considering God an enemy. I’m certainly not planning to ambush God—talk about setting yourself up to fail. And, actually, it appears it’s God who ambushes us.

But there is something here, and I think it’s worth noting. Look again at that second definition of, awe: Reverential fear or wonder. I’m not so certain fear and wonder are all that far apart. Here’s what Annie Dillard has to say: “It is madness to wear ladies’ straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews. For the sleeping god may wake someday and take offense, or the waking god may draw us out to where we can never return.” (Teaching a Stone to Talk, pp58-9.) Here, is our “reverential fear and wonder,” eh?

I think Rich Mullins uncharacteristically missed the mark. Our God is not, “an awesome God.” Our God is an awe-full God.